Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Sex in Chile - Too Much?
Shocked, enraged, defiled -- however you may feel about this breaking news, it's a fact. The Future Foundation reports that a general violation of wholesomeness is running rampant in Chile.
Now, it's sort of an open secret that the right-wing Future Foundation is a highly respected think tank among the staff here at CHIP. That's why we're listening up when they say that they've just come out with a report about SEX IN CHILE, and it's no good news.
Apparently, Chile's recent tide of liberal godlessness is not only giving power to women,health care to the elderly, and better pay to military grunts, but these sinful citizens are actually reverting to the free love "hippy" nonsense of the 1960's. And to make matters worse, they're talking about it!
Now, whenever the Foundation publishes anything, we drop everything and call together a series of emergency meetings and discussion groups. The concerned staff at The Santiago Times also joins in, as we chart the course to how to most faithfully mirror the policies and punditry of the Foundation.
This time, we had reason to be fairly shocked and enraged. Embarrassed, too. Turns out we kept a less-than-keen eye on the decadence in Chile, a country that, for the latter part of the 20th century, was a wholesome symbol of traditional Catholic values, conservatism, going to Church on Sunday and getting to bed on time.
We dropped the ball. Future Foundation, People of Chile, we apologize. We deeply regret this egregious error, and will do our best to reverse the wicked trends that have beset themselves upon this nation--in no small part due to our journalistic negligence.
We know that the damage has already been done, and it's only going to get worse. But in time, if we are vigilant, we can reverse this nation's wayward course and steer our people towards calmer, wholesomer waters. It's with this solemn promise that we bid you adieu, that we may bow our heads and return to what we do best: report.
Now, it's sort of an open secret that the right-wing Future Foundation is a highly respected think tank among the staff here at CHIP. That's why we're listening up when they say that they've just come out with a report about SEX IN CHILE, and it's no good news.
Apparently, Chile's recent tide of liberal godlessness is not only giving power to women,health care to the elderly, and better pay to military grunts, but these sinful citizens are actually reverting to the free love "hippy" nonsense of the 1960's. And to make matters worse, they're talking about it!
Now, whenever the Foundation publishes anything, we drop everything and call together a series of emergency meetings and discussion groups. The concerned staff at The Santiago Times also joins in, as we chart the course to how to most faithfully mirror the policies and punditry of the Foundation.
This time, we had reason to be fairly shocked and enraged. Embarrassed, too. Turns out we kept a less-than-keen eye on the decadence in Chile, a country that, for the latter part of the 20th century, was a wholesome symbol of traditional Catholic values, conservatism, going to Church on Sunday and getting to bed on time.
We dropped the ball. Future Foundation, People of Chile, we apologize. We deeply regret this egregious error, and will do our best to reverse the wicked trends that have beset themselves upon this nation--in no small part due to our journalistic negligence.
We know that the damage has already been done, and it's only going to get worse. But in time, if we are vigilant, we can reverse this nation's wayward course and steer our people towards calmer, wholesomer waters. It's with this solemn promise that we bid you adieu, that we may bow our heads and return to what we do best: report.
